Takrim lil 7ilm (Hommage à un rêve)

In the middle of the clear night, I could only hear the sound of the sea.
Opening my eyes I could see black nothingness that I invited so courteously inside, celebrating the new found peace.
I came on the beach that night to clear my head, to find solace and to talk to the silence, but I found you.
You, my dream, my answer.
I held you in my arms and I felt all the pain that you held inside, chained to your soul, your pain embracing and recognizing my pain. And I felt as I found again a long lost wandering part of my soul.
After walking alone so many roads, after living so many lives, after all the pain, I held you in my arms and I knew right then and there that we met again.
Lone traveler.
Lost seeker.
In our embrace we stopped time.
In your embrace, the night, the sea, the sand and the whispering wind was eternal.
I felt that I finally reached the end of my journey, I felt like I was seeking without knowing what, but the search was finally over when I found you.
Tired of all the lives I have spent searching, I sat down on your legs, on the sand, and while you gently caressed my head, I watched the moon, while listening to the sea that left thousands of furrows in the night,
My tired endless soul recognized the fellow seeker in you, felt the familiarity in your endless soul, and my human heart turned it into love.
I did not know why I met you again, my fellow seeker, my teacher, after all these years, and my heart deceived me into thinking that it is the end of the road, into believing that you are my last lesson, my last answer searched by my wary soul.

The heart is deceitful above all things.

I saw that you were, as me, far from the end of the road, but I closed my eyes and chose you as my path, and as the end of my search.
I chose you, I built up a throne for you, I gave you my power, my wisdom, my knowledge, and tried my best to make you whole.
My Queen...
I saw your limits yet I walked over them blindly.
And you saw my hurt...
And you caressing my pain was all I needed to deceive both of us..

And the river of time passed around us, as we embraced, in this pause from our eternal search.
All you had to do is fight.
Care.
Really try.
But you got caught up in your web of limits and chose to drift away into passivity.
You chose not to believe in yourself, while I believed in you more than yourself.
You made me feel like I was not worth fighting for when I gave you all of my weapons and you just focused on your limits,
I looked in your eyes, hurt, and i asked you WHY?

And you looked in my eyes, and smiled, kept the silence and continued to caress my head....
Because you knew,,,
You knew that this was my lesson, this was a lesson that I had to learn.
And in your arms I finally understood.
I felt worthless, but it was not about me.
It was never about me, it was about you.
About you choosing not to fight.
About your weakness.
It s about me, wasting my power, trying to lift weakness, building up thrones.
Instead of sitting on my throne.
It s about my foolishness when I feel like I am not worth it.
Weakness falls when it is offered a place along side power.
Weakness falls cos it is weak, not cos power is not worth standing along for.
But my power is foolish, It does not understand that yet.
And feels miserable when fragile castles fall.

Hurt and tired, I asked you WHY again...
Why people cause pain and then just leave, leaving me to carry it?
I looked to the sky
People are weak
People don t care
People are afraid
But I am not, so why do I have to pay the price of carrying the pain caused by those who left me behind?
And I understood another lesson....
Strength has a horrible price.
The price of power must be paid with pain and humility, by dealing with the karma of the lesser.
And I finally understood.
How other treat me is their karma,
And how I react, is mine.

I looked at you...
I held you in my arms and you felt all my hurt, all my pain...
And you tried to soothe the pain.
And I felt for the first time in my life, someone trying to dissolve the immensity of pain inside me.
But it was too much, I have walked too many paths of pain in front of you.
You got lost....
You tried....
And now it was my turn to embrace you with silence...

And I understood why I have met you again...
Fellow seeker...
Unconditional Teacher..

To teach me the most valuable lessons of this cycle
And through the whirlwind of nothingness, I found you, and I thought it was a pause from learning, but In your arms you thought me the most valued of my lessons, through love, and caring.
And for the first time in life someone showed me that lessons can be thought not only through pain, but also embraced in loving arms.

You fear that you are useless, but you don t understand the immensity and importance of the meeting of you.
Meeting you, which felt like a pause, a stoppage in my road of pain, was what I needed to rest my old soul, so that I can find the courage to carry on with my road.

I am forever in gratitude towards you.
Thank you for your lessons, for your everything.

You re a dream, my queen, and I shall hold you in my mind and heart as the sweetest of my dreams.
You will never understand how useful you were to my existence in this life.

To my fellow seeker,
To my pause from pain,
To my dream...

Until we meet again, remember
There are no limits
Only the choice to act like limits exist

To Balsem

Inca

Ce invatator fanastic sunt, muncesc ca un sclav, imi simt corpul cum devine subred sub presiunea pe care o exercit singur asupra mea, uit de familie, de prieteni, uit de mine, uit de tot, fac tot posibilul sa nu mai existe nimic in afara de munca ca apoi cand imi dau liber, sa ma simt pierdut, sa simt ca ceva lipseste. acum imi dau seama ca fug de mine ,de problemele mele, ma afund in munca si incerc sa ma ingrop in ea, adanc, destul de adanc cat sa nu ma ajunga frica, si cand in sfarsit ma prinde, ma prabusesc asupra greutatii ei, si corpul se prabuseste treptat in ritm cu ea si simt cum nimicul ma cuprinde.
simt cum urlu in mine si nimeni nu ma poate ajuta, pentru ca am renuntat la familie si la prieteni si tot ce am sunt cei patru pereti.
Am muncit ca o fiara si am inghitit atata, ca sa vad cum in 2 zile totul se prabuseste in fata mea.
Si raman sa ma intreb, intrebarea eterna: care este invatatura?
o simt constant dandu mi tarcoale, o aud in fiecare picatura de aer liber.
Care este invatatura?
care este lectia?
stiu sigur ca trebuie sa o invat dar nu stiu care este.
il urasc pentru ca vrea ce vreau si eu, insa el are.
si incep sa ma intreb daca ma lupt cu el pentru a distruge nedreptatea sau doar pentru ca vreau sa ii iau eu locul.
Incep usor usor sa cred ca problema nu este el, ci faptul ca nu sunt destul de puternic sa trec peste, sa ma detasez, sa imi inchid cercul mintii.
oare ar fi mai bine cu adevarat cu un alt invatator?
sau ii voi sapa groapa doar pentru ca este in fata mea?
Simt cum firea mi se schimba si perverteste, cum adopt netrebnicii in personalitate incercand sa ma adaptez, si se pare ca fara sa vreau ma adaptez noroiului devenind noroi.
tu nu ma ajuti deloc, draga mea, sa iti dea Dumnezeu sanatate ca vrei, dar nu ma salvezi, si pentru a nu iti distruge tie mintea ard in mine energia putin ramasa.
si nu mai merita.....de prea mult timp.

Care este lectia?
caci incep sa cred ca nu e sa ma adaptez, ci sa ma pastrez,
dar daca ma pastrez, duc un razboi nesfarsit.

sunt singur
sunt SINGUR
SUNT SINGUR!!!
o tzip mie si tremur, o tip mie si imi raspund singur intr-un cerc al fricii.
dar care e lectia?

Lectia e ca nu sunt singur.
Lectia este ca a fi singur nu este o slabiciune, este o putere.
Lectia este a imi dea seama cand sa zic nu
Lectia este sa imi dau seama cand sa trec mai departe
Lectia este ca sunt singur si asta imi este puterea, nu slabiciunea.

Nu vreau sa ma pierd, imi e frica, dar lectia este sa invat sa traiesc cu frica.
Inca cred ca puterea imi sta in singuratate.